Pre-chemo

Hello!!

today started with my Colposcopy - never trust a nurse who says it'll "Just be cold". When someone puts a mild acid on your cervix, let me tell you, it stings!!! Luckily they didn't take a biopsy though - I have to go back for that in 6 months. Can't wait!!

After my colposcopy I had my pre-chemo bloods taken. It didn't hurt and I have to say that I love my port!! I love it!! Didn't feel a damn thing :D and then I signed my consent.... the usual gloom and doom stuff.

I am still little miss bloated but I'm adjusted. Just praying it'll go down soon. I keep getting back pain so hopefully that means my period is due and it'll all vanish. I bought myself a nice new dress today in anticipation lol.

I'm scared about starting chemo tomorrow but it's something I'm going to have to do to get better. It's just that there is so much unknown about it all. I have no idea what's going to happen or how it'll affect me. It's a massive thing. I have sat and wondered why all this stuff happens to me but I guess it happens to me because I can deal with it. And as Kelly Clarkson often tells us, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger".

Wish me luck amigos!! Tomorrow is C days EEEEEEK!!

the big week

Chemo day approaches (can't say I'm overly looking forward to it) and I'm still a miniature whale. Tomorrow I go for my PET scan, thursday I have my colposcopy (to check the the odd cells in my cervix) and then I have pre-chemo bloods being done straight after that along with consent signing AND Friday I start chemo.

I still feel like crap. My stomach is no smaller and it's uncomfortable. It's hard to breathe when I walk about and I generally feel nauseas from the pressure build up. I had a scan yesterday and it's not currently life-threatening so they won't do anything about it. But I do have a small amount of fluid around my kidneys and enlarged ovaries. Apparently, even in this condition, it's okay to still begin chemotherapy. So i imagine by the weekend I will be not overly amused. But I suppose it's all part of the experience!!

fortunately my boyfriend is coming over tonight and keeping me company till Monday morning, which will be nice. He usually only sees me at weekends but this week is particularly stressful and as he's not working he's going to help cheer me up. Which is lucky for me. Because it's all a bit much at the moment. I just wish my bloody tummy would shrink back to normal.

If it doesn't I'm definitely going to look like a Buddha when my hair falls out haha

Anyway.... that's an update for now. Hopefully I will be a bit more uplifted in my next post :)

:(

I'm feeling a bit miserable today. My tummy is worse and I got a letter in the post telling me I had an abnormal cervical smear tests with mild dyskaryosis.... so that means tests for that now too!! Is it never ending?!!!

I have, however, managed to get myself a PET/CT scan for my re-staging :) that's due on Wednesday in Portsmouth. Will probably depend on my ovaries though. Here's hoping it's still stage 2.

Not feeling so upbeat at the moment. I guess being stuck in bed doesn't help.

Buddha belly

I had to pop back into hospital for a bit today as I have grown myself a buddha belly!! None of my clothes fit around it so it's PJs all the way for now. I had a scan of my ovaries and turns out they're 5x bigger than they should be. Hence the bloated belly and discomfort I am currently experiencing.  It's something known as ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome. I have it very mildly at the moment. But still: Boooooooooo!!

I am feeling very sorry for myself as it is uncomfortable to walk, laugh, cough or sneeze. And I'm not allowed to exercise or really do anything :( suckadoodles!! 

On the plus side (hmmm) it should all clear up in about 2 weeks.

Update

Hello....

I haven't updated in a while but I've been busy!! Longleat was good fun :)

Monday I had my mid-cycle scan, all was well. I had approximately 40 visible eggs and so they decided I was ready for the egg op on Wednesday (yesterday). So yesterday I went in for the egg removal procedure, I was quite anxious about it. It was done under sedation in the end but it wasn't too bad. Parts of it were really quite painful but I got through it and they managed to remove 32 eggs (the average amount usually being 6 haha). And today they called me to tell me that 22 had made it to the embryo stage. The other eggs hadn't been mature enough to fertilise. I now have to wait till tomorrow to find out how many divide properly and can be frozen, but it's looking really good :)

Because I managed to make sooo many eggs, I have to take it easy now and not do anything as I'm at risk of having over-stimulated ovaries (what fun). I'm currently full on bloated too so feel a bit like a pregnant puffa fish. Could be something to do with the amount of food I ate yesterday (the egg removal made me incredible hungry!!!)

As for the cancer... I have to have a re-staging so my nurse is currently organising a scan for me. Once this has been done I can start chemotherapy (hopefully next week - although my ovaries need time to heal too).

Oddly enough, I'm still feeling fine about the whole cancer thing (perhaps because I know it'll all be fine). I've been more worried about the egg removal!!! All I do know is that I'm going to be a lot tougher.

I hate being bloated!!! Going to have to live in my jim jams till it goes down. Also, have about 6 days worth of food in me still. Must be a side-effect of fertility :/ not that anyone wanted to know that!!! But it's good to be aware of.

I will blog again soon :)

x

This is a picture of my port scar just a week on - pretty good eh? I'm happy with that :)

I'm not happy with the fact my clexane got switched to fragmin though :( Fragmin buuuuurns. And there is 0.4ml more of it!! But hey ho... not much longer to go with the injections.

There was an odd moment with my fertility nurse today.... strangely he recognised me from a zombie acting job, not by my face but by my eyes. I did this job last year and in the dark haha so er was a bit bizarre. I'm not sure how he managed that :p

I have started juicing and adding juices to my diet now. I can't say my tummy is overly impressed but I'm hoping it'll help me in the long run. I know a lot of people just juice and eat nothing else, but I get hungry. So I have healthy snacks too. It really bugs me lately though these people that think all illness is caused and prevented by diet. IT ISN'T!! some things are genetic and some things would happen even if you lived in a bubble and drank organic smoothies with a monkey called Brian. Yes diet can help keep people healthy but I don't think anyone should be quick to dismiss modern medicine when it comes to life threatening diseases. Also.... tribal people (the most natural people in the World) get ill too. Sometimes shit just happens. It's part of life. But you pick yourself up, learn from it and carry on.

That's my moan over.... hope you all have a fab week :) we're going to Longleat (super excited) x

Humbled

Today I found out I am entitled to some fun things (it's not all doom and gloom!!). On the 25th - 29th March my boyfriend and I get to go on an activity holiday (thanks to the lovely Youth Cancer Trust) and then we also get to have a special day out (which I think will be an RAF flight day if we can get in on it) all thanks to The Willow Foundation. At first I thought, well is it right for me to go? I mean, yes, I have cancer but I feel fine and there are people far worse off than me. But then I saw most of the young people that have gone in the past had the same disease. And I'll probably need cheering up and some fun times when the chemo starts. I'm just very humbled that there are people that offer such wonderful things to people like me....

I guess you don't really appreciate what all these charities really do until they're there for you. It's hard to feel deserving for them. But I am very thankful!! These charities definitely deserve your support :) When I'm better, I will do my best to raise some money for them.

There are certain people I'm sure that will have a problem with my boyfriend and I going away to relax... to them, I don't give a crap. To everyone else, thank you for your support. It means a lot to me. I don't feel like I have cancer yet but the chemo will soon begin and it's nice to know that people care. Being faced with something like this is very lonely.... no matter how many people are around you. And that's the hardest thing. But support makes it easier :) 

So bad and exciting times ahead :)

My needle friends!

These are my injections I have to have till the 18th.... then I have some other ones, yay!! They are hormone injections and heparin (to stop blood clots). Yes, I am lucky enough to be in the risk factor for blood clots too ;)

They are self-administrated. The first time I had to do this was quite funny.... I'm a big wuss so I managed to get the needle in and then sat for about 15 minutes scared to press the button (incase it stung). luckily, it doesn't sting and it was fine. Perhaps I will be less of a wuss in future!! I am, however, running out of room on my tummy. but I'm sure I can find a few more spots!

Hair cut!!

My nurse advised me to cut my hair off.... she said it'll help when my hair falls out (she's pretty sure it will). So I have gone for a shorter style. The hairdresser messed up a bit and it's quite a bit shorter than I wanted it but hey ho.

Also.... I know I now start chemo on 1st March 2013!!

Progress :)

So, today I went to see the fertility people again as my period started yesterday. I have more needles than I have ever seen but making embryos has begun. I'm actually quite excited. And, even BETTER, it's only going to take 2 weeks. So my eggs will be ready on the 22nd February!! I don't have to put my chemo on hold for 6 weeks after all *phew*

This evening I also managed to self-inject for the first time ever and it really wasn't that bad. I have three different injections (two hormonal injections and one blood thinner). I will take this up until the 18th, when I have my mid-cycle scan. And then I take something else and then they remove the eggs.

It's quite magical thinking my partner and I are going to create life together in 2 weeks time. Even though they're then going to get frozen for years ;)

I also had my lung capacity test today and that was all great, which is good :)

Hopefully my hormones won't make me too grumpy in the next few weeks!!

cardioscan and portacath

So today I went to hospital for 8.30 am and had my heart scanned. Glad to say it was all normal :) so that's good. It was really quite fascinating having it done; you could hear all the different valves and they all make different sounds.

Once my scan was complete I popped down to haematology for my port fitting.... I had to wait about 4 hours and then finally went in. The procedure, if I'm honest, was painful. I had to lie down on a surgical table and they covered my face. I then put my head to the side and they scanned my neck with ultrasound to find a good vein. They then injected my neck with local anaesthetic (oh my gosh that hurts!!) and then they made an incision and put the catheter in. Once this was done, local anaesthetic was put just above my left breast (even more painful) and then an incision was made and the titanium port was put in. Ultrasound was then used to make sure the port was in the right position and was joined to the catheter. They then did a few other things (not sure what) and I was done.... I then went for an x-ray to make sure it was okay.

This evening I am on paracetamol and ibuprofen and it still hurts.... but I'm assured it'll be worth it. The Dr doing the surgery said she doesn't understand why everyone doesn't get ports because they are the best method of giving chemotherapy. Perhaps it's because each port costs the NHS £2000.... and a PICC line costs £800 ;) 

Anywho.... feeling a bit crap so I'll leave it at that tonight. If you can get a port, get one. I know it sounds horrible but that's only short term. The longer term benefits out weigh the cons.

Fertility appointment

So today my partner and I went to our fertility appointment. We've decided to freeze some embryos, to play it safe, and so we had to get the ball rolling. Basically, it takes a minimum of 6 weeks to harvest and fertilise human eggs. Luckily, I am almost at the 1st day of my cycle and thus it will take the minimum 6 weeks for me (it would really have sucked if I'd of had to of waited longer).

What happens is that you have loads of blood tests done and a smear test done to check everything is okay and you have no diseases and then, from day one of your cycle, you get injected with hormones every day until the eggs are ready for collection. You also need to go for mid-cycle scans and other scans of the ovaries, to see how it's all progressing. Once a good number of eggs are big enough, you go in for an operation. The operation is done whilst you're awake (they give you gas and air) and involves a needle being put into the ovaries and the eggs being sucked out. The eggs are then put into a glass dish and fertilised with sperm (from your partner). The fertilised eggs are then left until they form embryos, which then get frozen.

I have been told the operation will feel like sticking a pin into a testicle. Apparently, ovaries are just as sensitive as testicles we just don't realise it because they're tucked away inside.

At this point in my life.... I wish I was a man!!

Tomorrow I am having my heart scan and my portacath put in.... fun times! I will let you know how that goes tomorrow. Hopefully I will get some sedation, as I'm terrified of surgery under local anaesthetic!!

I have to say that I have the most fantastic boyfriend and I'm very lucky to have such a beautiful person as my other half. And despite what I have to go through, it's worth it to be with someone like that. And now we will have the perfect babies, when we decide it's time :)