Day 1 of cycle 2 begins tomorrow.... we're going to discuss all my side effects and try and find some more anti-sickness drugs that may work on me. So it's guinea pig time again!! Today will involve stocking up on anti-nausea foods.
I have eaten far too much this week (damn you Easter) so should probably work on not doing that too often too ;) especially if I want to fit into my bridesmaid dress in 2 weeks time!!
I haven't really adjusted to being bald yet - have yet to remove my hat in public! But hopefully I will have the courage soon.
Wish me luck tomorrow - hopefully we sort these side effects out :)
Wednesday, 27 March 2013
Saturday, 23 March 2013
bye bye hair
Friday, 22 March 2013
It would appear my blog is international - thanks for reading :) Apparently I am more interesting than I thought I was!!
So my hair is still shedding one hair at a time. Why couldn't it be my leg hair? Or armpit hair? That'd save me a lot of hassle! But hey-ho. I'm not sure where the hair loss goes from here or how bad it gets but I suppose now is the time I should consider whether I shave it or not. There must be like 1000 hairs on my head.... they'd swamp my bed. But I'm not sure, after the stresses of this week, if I'm really ready to accept my hair going. So far I've sort of been able to pretend still that I don't have cancer.... it's kinda coming to the point where reality is going to give me a big hard slap. I expected my hair to fall out, especially as my body is reacting so strongly to chemo. But didn't think it'd be this soon.
I think I will be most upset if my eyelashes and eyebrows go.... I don't want to lose those. But so far *touch wood* my body hair seems unaffected. Although I half expect to wake up one morning hairless.
What can you do eh? And these look good feel good classes are booked up till May, which is shit. Might need some make-up advice before then ;) But I suppose at least I will get to go to one eventually. Which is better than what some people get. So I'm grateful for that.
I got a letter today with a CT appointment. Is booked just after a chemo so that's not gonna happen. Unless they want me to vomit all over the Scanner. The thought of ink taste in my mouth when I'm nauseated... ugh. I also thought I was going to be getting a PET, so have enquired as to why I am not. Especially as my bone marrow was active on my last PET and I need to see if it still is. My nurse is going to have so many emails when she gets back from her holiday :p But these things are important and if you don't ask then you don't get (sadly). This is where I am glad I am intelligent... the hospital are probably not so glad!! But I've been fobbed off so many times in my life, on one occassion nearly died, so I take my health very seriously. And I want it done the best it can be. And we all have that right.
If in doubt research and ask :) never just sit on it if it doesn't seem right!
So my hair is still shedding one hair at a time. Why couldn't it be my leg hair? Or armpit hair? That'd save me a lot of hassle! But hey-ho. I'm not sure where the hair loss goes from here or how bad it gets but I suppose now is the time I should consider whether I shave it or not. There must be like 1000 hairs on my head.... they'd swamp my bed. But I'm not sure, after the stresses of this week, if I'm really ready to accept my hair going. So far I've sort of been able to pretend still that I don't have cancer.... it's kinda coming to the point where reality is going to give me a big hard slap. I expected my hair to fall out, especially as my body is reacting so strongly to chemo. But didn't think it'd be this soon.
I think I will be most upset if my eyelashes and eyebrows go.... I don't want to lose those. But so far *touch wood* my body hair seems unaffected. Although I half expect to wake up one morning hairless.
What can you do eh? And these look good feel good classes are booked up till May, which is shit. Might need some make-up advice before then ;) But I suppose at least I will get to go to one eventually. Which is better than what some people get. So I'm grateful for that.
I got a letter today with a CT appointment. Is booked just after a chemo so that's not gonna happen. Unless they want me to vomit all over the Scanner. The thought of ink taste in my mouth when I'm nauseated... ugh. I also thought I was going to be getting a PET, so have enquired as to why I am not. Especially as my bone marrow was active on my last PET and I need to see if it still is. My nurse is going to have so many emails when she gets back from her holiday :p But these things are important and if you don't ask then you don't get (sadly). This is where I am glad I am intelligent... the hospital are probably not so glad!! But I've been fobbed off so many times in my life, on one occassion nearly died, so I take my health very seriously. And I want it done the best it can be. And we all have that right.
If in doubt research and ask :) never just sit on it if it doesn't seem right!
Thursday, 21 March 2013
Hair
I have begun to notice I am losing hair a bit more than usual. It's not clumps or anything, but it's more than usual. I have a lot of hair so it's not going to cause any bald patches, but this may be the start of my hair loss (knowing my luck - probably).
I figure once I'm better I can write a book on side effects ;)
My mouth is still healing - wisdom teeth constantly ache but not really sure why! And I'm also a bit sore in other areas but hoping that'll sort itself out. I think my body is just a bit sensitive and I need to adjust a bit more. I had some chocolate today but it wasn't satisfying at all :O but a cheese sandwich was!
Fingers crossed my next chemo will be ok... All these people that say the first is the worst really aren't in my boat!! Lucky sods. But still doing good mentally :) me and my noggin have been through a lot but were still strong!
I promise to treat my body like a temple after this is over. It clearly is sensitive to everything and needs TLC x
I figure once I'm better I can write a book on side effects ;)
My mouth is still healing - wisdom teeth constantly ache but not really sure why! And I'm also a bit sore in other areas but hoping that'll sort itself out. I think my body is just a bit sensitive and I need to adjust a bit more. I had some chocolate today but it wasn't satisfying at all :O but a cheese sandwich was!
Fingers crossed my next chemo will be ok... All these people that say the first is the worst really aren't in my boat!! Lucky sods. But still doing good mentally :) me and my noggin have been through a lot but were still strong!
I promise to treat my body like a temple after this is over. It clearly is sensitive to everything and needs TLC x
Wednesday, 20 March 2013
My mouth is slowly improving :) still hurts but slowly getting there! You'd hope so with all the medicine I'm putting in it lol.
I've decided that perhaps all of this will help me appreciate how much other people suffer. And it'll help me connect to future acting roles I get too. At least now I am even more prepared for what life has to give. And I hope I can help other people through what I learn.
All I can say is I feel 100 times better than I did on steroids. They are officially evil! I'm starting to get the odd tiredness again but that's to be expected. And my tummy hurts sometimes, but I guess my intestines are getting battered by chemo! Emotionally I am with it though. No depression :) just the occasional pain related moan!
I've decided that perhaps all of this will help me appreciate how much other people suffer. And it'll help me connect to future acting roles I get too. At least now I am even more prepared for what life has to give. And I hope I can help other people through what I learn.
All I can say is I feel 100 times better than I did on steroids. They are officially evil! I'm starting to get the odd tiredness again but that's to be expected. And my tummy hurts sometimes, but I guess my intestines are getting battered by chemo! Emotionally I am with it though. No depression :) just the occasional pain related moan!
Tuesday, 19 March 2013
I feel I have complained a lot recently and I apologise for that. Chemo hasn't been very kind to me and sometimes I just need to vent. And I want my blog to be honest and to tell my real story. I wish it was all sparkles, rainbows and sunshine but unfortunately it's not. It seems I react quite a lot to most drugs and it can be really tough!
I currently can't sleep because my mouth hurts and I keep getting random aches and pains in my chest and tummy and all over. And then I start to worry what side effect I'm going to get next. Or if something else is wrong and it drives me nuts!
I've take difflam, aspirin, paracetamol and oral thrush treatment for my mouth and it still chuffing hurts. Wikipedia is so wrong about oral thrush not being painful. I think it's a you have to experience it to understand kind of a thing!
I wish so much that I could be a "normal" 25 year old. Everyone else is off havin fun and I can't even enjoy a sandwich. This year has pushed me to whole new limits and I've been through stuff I couldn't even imagine. I think people who think young people don't have life experience are idiots!! I have far too much life experience for my age :p
But in return for all this struggle I do get the best boyfriend in whole world. I think it's worth that. And if nothing else, this has brought us so much closer together. And not just because we have an army of embryos ;) and I think I'm learning to not let people walk all over me and to not tolerate so much bullshit. I have a new perspective. And I will live my life so much more after this. I think far too many people waste their lives and moan about such trivial crap.
So anyway - I aim to be more upbeat again. Just grumpy because my mouth hurts and I so want to eat yummy food!! Do me a favour and savor every bite of your meals :p I've been watching man vs food and some of those things look so good :p
x
I currently can't sleep because my mouth hurts and I keep getting random aches and pains in my chest and tummy and all over. And then I start to worry what side effect I'm going to get next. Or if something else is wrong and it drives me nuts!
I've take difflam, aspirin, paracetamol and oral thrush treatment for my mouth and it still chuffing hurts. Wikipedia is so wrong about oral thrush not being painful. I think it's a you have to experience it to understand kind of a thing!
I wish so much that I could be a "normal" 25 year old. Everyone else is off havin fun and I can't even enjoy a sandwich. This year has pushed me to whole new limits and I've been through stuff I couldn't even imagine. I think people who think young people don't have life experience are idiots!! I have far too much life experience for my age :p
But in return for all this struggle I do get the best boyfriend in whole world. I think it's worth that. And if nothing else, this has brought us so much closer together. And not just because we have an army of embryos ;) and I think I'm learning to not let people walk all over me and to not tolerate so much bullshit. I have a new perspective. And I will live my life so much more after this. I think far too many people waste their lives and moan about such trivial crap.
So anyway - I aim to be more upbeat again. Just grumpy because my mouth hurts and I so want to eat yummy food!! Do me a favour and savor every bite of your meals :p I've been watching man vs food and some of those things look so good :p
x
Evil mouth
So today my mouth still hurts like hell. I tried difflam and paracetamol to no amend :( I then decided to call the dr again to see if there was anything else that could be done. He asked if I had a coating on my tongue (I do) and said I have oral thrush (why had no one else thought to check for this?!) so has prescribed me a mouth wash to cure this (fingers crossed). I'm cross that the hospital gave me any old mouth wash without checking my symptoms. Especially with the pain I've been in! But hey ho! Still no caphosol but hopefully the pain will go soon - it's horrible :(
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