ouchie

My port is now gone (and hopefully for good). The operation hurt a lot. I was not sedated at all and pretty nervous due to the experience of having it put in. I lay on the operating table and they stuck in the dreaded local. But at least I had someone talking to me this time and I didn't have a big cloth over my head. Which was an improvement. Straight after the anesthetic was in the surgeon picked up his knife. I looked at him and asked if it'd be numb that quickly. He assured me yes. It was not. I felt very much the knife cut open my skin. This followed with me saying OW very loudly. The surgeon then gave me more local anesthetic. The rest of the op was bearable but painful at times. It hurt when he squeezed the port out and I could feel the needle at intervals when he was stitching me up. But overall, it took about 10 minutes so at least it wasn't prolonged.

I then went home and was happy because it didn't hurt at all. Yeeeeeah, this wasn't long lived. By about 9pm I was in a lot of pain. I didn't sleep till about 4am because the incision was throbbing and would sometimes burn and send a shooting pain out. Worst of all, I'm not really supposed to take any pain killers because I'm on blood thinners soooo I avoided those.

But hey-ho. I am still sore today but glad my port is gone. All is left now is to get my final PET and hope for an all clear :)

I've learned a lot this year and I've learned a lot about a lot of people as well. And I know that when I get back on track and everything starts to fall into place, things will be very different. I don't hold grudges or resent anyone. I've just lost a lot of respect for some people and it has been hurtful but having cancer has shown me a lot of truth. And I can go on and live a positive and happy life and know what truly matters. It's hard to accept everything that has happened sometimes and I've struggled with that. But I know things will pick up soon :) Obviously I have 6 months of blood thinners and what not but that's not the end of the World. I feel lucky to be alive and (although I've become extra emotional) I know this experience has benefited me and made me a better person.

good good

Good news - they have agreed to give me a PET scan :) so hopefully it'll come back clear and I can be reassured.

Also, port is coming out on monday. That's gonna be painful but be glad to be rid of it!

x

Hi Peeps,

Sorry for lack of blogging - I have been so knackered! I don't know what's wrong with me. My fatigue is worse than when I was having chemo. But I am on the healthy eating wagon, so hoping that'll help improve things over time.

So the hospital called and said I don't have to pay for anything and to ignore the invoice. So that's good :) and I'm finally off on my YCT holiday on the 1st July (woop woop).

On thursday I have an appointment to get a second opinion on my remission stuff. Hopefully I can get a PET scan and put my mind at rest. It's very easy to get paranoid about all sorts once you've had cancer and aren't 100% sure it's gone. And it appears I wasn't the only person getting wrong cancer results from Exeter. tut tut.

But here's hoping the scan will tell me it's a 100% remission :)

I was upset the other day as I got offered a small part in a TV show. I accepted and sorted my wardrobe and everything. And then day before the filming the lady tells me to make sure my hair is all pretty so I think hmm... and re-mention my hair is short now and that I have a lovely wig (which was 100% suitable for the role). She takes a look at my wig picture and says how realistic it is and says that's fine.... 30 mins later she re-calls me. Says I'm no longer needed for filming because of my hair. I was playing a waitress. A WAITRESS!! I really hate discrimination. Pisses me off. It also annoys me when I go out shopping and stuff and people stare at me because I have short hair. It's just rude really.

Anyway.... those people aren't worth more talking about them!

I'm excited that I have a lot of positive jobs coming up soon and I should be feeling better by the time they start. Hopefully the rest of 2013 can be very positive.

Here's hoping. Wish me luck x

progress

Okay - So I have managed to get another appointment with my actual consultant (result) and I've now been informed I will get follow-up check-ups, so that's good too. No scans but at least they will check me over every few months. Feel better about that. And I can discuss having a final PET at my next appointment. I made it very clear that I didn't trust my last PET and I couldn't accept remission until I had a PET I knew was 100% mine. And I think they understand that now (I hope).

On a less good note.... I got sent an invoice for some of my blood tests and things. Seriously?!! Since when did I have to pay for NHS treatment? Not impressed really as not one person mentioned I'd need to pay for anything to do with any of my treatments. So hopefully we can get this sorted too. I've let my nurse know and she's investigating for me :)

Now just to have my Port removed and my cervical cells to be sorted and I should be all good.

Remission

So today I guess was a good day... I've not yet figured how I feel about it. Confused I think at the moment. I went to the hospital to discuss stopping my chemo and the consultant said that's fine and that I could go. I was like.... ummm.... do I not get a PET scan? Or a follow up? Or anything? and he said nope. No follow up. No scans. Nothing. Ever. Unless I get new symptoms. So, yes I'm incredibly happy I am in remission but I feel kind of like I was dropped off in the deep end. I really wanted a PET to be 100% sure I was cancer free. But they said no. And I figured I'd get scanned after 6 months or even a year.... but that was also a no. It's a big thing. Kinda scary. I've been through so much and that's it. It's hard to get your head around. I just have to trust them and hope it all works out okay :)

My breathing has become easier and I'm feeling pretty good. I have my appointment tomorrow to discuss what's next (PET scan/chemo etc). Hopefully I can have a PET, the PET will be clear and that'll be that.

I feel quite optimistic about the rest of the year. And I can hold my body weight now on a pole, which is cool. My body is getting stronger and I start a juicing detox in a few days to give my system a reboot after all the chemicals.

I've learned a lot this year and I feel I have a better understanding of my life and my body and mind now. And I think my life will be a lot better because of this experience. And I hope, in whatever way I can, I can help others get through similar things. It seems never ending and torturous but on the other side things look brighter.

There are days still that are frustrating but life is too precious to really worry about it. Things will work out and that's what matters.

Fingers crossed it all works out okay! x