ouchie

My port is now gone (and hopefully for good). The operation hurt a lot. I was not sedated at all and pretty nervous due to the experience of having it put in. I lay on the operating table and they stuck in the dreaded local. But at least I had someone talking to me this time and I didn't have a big cloth over my head. Which was an improvement. Straight after the anesthetic was in the surgeon picked up his knife. I looked at him and asked if it'd be numb that quickly. He assured me yes. It was not. I felt very much the knife cut open my skin. This followed with me saying OW very loudly. The surgeon then gave me more local anesthetic. The rest of the op was bearable but painful at times. It hurt when he squeezed the port out and I could feel the needle at intervals when he was stitching me up. But overall, it took about 10 minutes so at least it wasn't prolonged.

I then went home and was happy because it didn't hurt at all. Yeeeeeah, this wasn't long lived. By about 9pm I was in a lot of pain. I didn't sleep till about 4am because the incision was throbbing and would sometimes burn and send a shooting pain out. Worst of all, I'm not really supposed to take any pain killers because I'm on blood thinners soooo I avoided those.

But hey-ho. I am still sore today but glad my port is gone. All is left now is to get my final PET and hope for an all clear :)

I've learned a lot this year and I've learned a lot about a lot of people as well. And I know that when I get back on track and everything starts to fall into place, things will be very different. I don't hold grudges or resent anyone. I've just lost a lot of respect for some people and it has been hurtful but having cancer has shown me a lot of truth. And I can go on and live a positive and happy life and know what truly matters. It's hard to accept everything that has happened sometimes and I've struggled with that. But I know things will pick up soon :) Obviously I have 6 months of blood thinners and what not but that's not the end of the World. I feel lucky to be alive and (although I've become extra emotional) I know this experience has benefited me and made me a better person.